By Rogette Harris

Being born a female, I learned very young that everyone felt entitled to tell me their opinion and give their advice on how I should live. Living every day as both Black and female takes that to a totally different level.

It is a hard existence. As a child, particularly when I was in school, I had people tell me what to like, whom to admire, what to wear, how to act, what to be when I grew up. The list goes on. I remember a high school teacher telling my mother and I would never make it in college. It often makes me want to go to one of my reunions just to show I didn’t just go to college but have two master’s degrees.

Which brings me to another point, being a Black woman feels as if we always have something to prove when we do not.

Even as an adult woman, we are told when to have children, when not to have children; how to raise those children, if we should even have children, what type of job we deserve, what type of clothes to wear, hairstyles, and the list goes on and on. It’s insane how many people think it’s totally acceptable to tell others how to live their lives.

If you’re a mother, you’re probably familiar with the mommy wars: home birth versus hospital birth, breast versus bottle, family bed versus crib, work outside the home moms versus stay at home moms. Women who don’t have children often have to justify why they don’t have any. There must be something medically wrong with them, right?

Many women are choosing to have children later in life once they are more financially and emotionally mature. There are lots of studies that show women can have healthy babies in their late 30′s and 40′s, but that doesn’t stop some people from saying it’s too late past 30. That’s even though they wouldn’t be raising or financially supporting the child.

The judgment never ends.

Just last month, CNN morning show co-host Don Lemon was seated between two women and was completely tone death in insisting former Republican South Carolina Governor and U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley was past her prime at age 51 when she announced her 2024 presidential bid. Don Lemon – who is 56 , said, “A woman is considered to be in her prime in her 20′s, 30′s, and maybe 40′s.”

This information, he claims, can be found in the search engines!

For these on air comments, Lemon received a two-day suspension from CNN and promised to participate in formal training.

Now, I am a very proud Democrat, but let’s be honest. If this comment were made to a Democratic woman, there would have been a lot more outrage at this sexist comment. But anyone with a daily TV show is going to say something stupid, ill-considered or offensive sooner or later. That shouldn’t automatically mean you lose your show or get yanked from the air. Still, two days off doesn’t seem like much of a punishment.

When I think of my own life, I recall hearing many stupid statements! Once I asked a news outlet why they didn’t have any Black or female political analysts. I was told they would love to have some but couldn’t find any that were qualified. Pennsylvania is the 5th largest state in the United States – population wise, but they can’t find anyone qualified.]

Once, a women made an admiring comment about how ambitious one of my male friends is. When the conversation turned to my political activities, she asked, “Don’t you ever get tired?” She had such a look of grave concern on her face as if I was going to have a heart attack that very moment.

Now, we all have opinions. Me, included. However, opinions/advice, are not facts! There is a built-in assumption that the advice-giver knows better – and with that assumption comes judgment. But none of us can judge anyone else’s lives. We are not them.

As a pro-choice woman, I believe women have the right to choose our own paths in life. Whether that be in personal relationships, career, reproductive rights, hair style, etc. at any age! You don’t have to live anyone else’s life but your own. It doesn’t matter if someone else would do things differently, and it really doesn’t matter what they think of you.

Making room to be who you are is a basic life skill. Women, particularly women of color, must learn to combat the narratives assigned to us. For Women’s History Month this year and beyond, let’s all be ourselves, authentically and unapologetically.

Rogette Harris is chairwoman of the Dauphin County Democratic Party and a member of political analyst.