Ben Affleck’s history with the DC Universe is a long and complicated one, but in a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter, the star reflected on both the good and the bad of the experience.

Speaking about his history playing Batman, Affleck discussed how his experience during Justice League turned him off from directing the Batman movie he was supposed to be in.

“I was going to direct a Batman, and [Justice League] made me go, ‘I’m out. I never want to do any of this again. I’m not suited.’” said Affleck. “That was the worst experience I’ve ever seen in a business which is full of some shitty experiences. It broke my heart. There was an idea of someone [Joss Whedon] coming in, like, ‘I’ll rescue you and we’ll do 60 days of shooting and I’ll write a whole thing around what you have. I’ve got the secret.’ And it wasn’t the secret. That was hard.”

“And I started to drink too much,” Affleck continued. “I was back at the hotel in London, it was either that or jump out the window. And I just thought, ‘This isn’t the life I want. My kids aren’t here. I’m miserable.’ You want to go to work and find something interesting to hang onto, rather than just wearing a rubber suit, and most of it you’re just standing against the computer screen going, ‘If this nuclear waste gets loose, we’ll …’ That’s fine. I don’t condescend to that or put it down, but I got to a point where I found it creatively not satisfying. Also just, you’re sweaty and exhausted. And I thought, ‘I don’t want to participate in this in any way. And I don’t want to squander any more of my life, of which I have a limited amount.’”

Despite not having the best time in Justice League, Affleck would go on to reprise his role as Batman in the upcoming The Flash film. To him, the brief time spent as Batman is the best he’s ever done as the character, with Affleck saying that he “finally” figured out how to play him.

“I did finally figure out how to play that character, and I nailed it in The Flash,” said Affleck. “For the five minutes I’m there, it’s really great. A lot of it’s just tone. You’ve got to figure out, what’s your version of the person? Who is the guy that fits what you can do? I tried to fit myself into a Batman. And by the way, I like a lot of the stuff we did, especially the first one.”